archive: Fundie, and proud of it
Prophet-sharing
Varsha Bhosle
Rediff on Net
December 16, 1999
Title: Prophet-sharing
Author: Varsha Bhosle
Publication: Rediff
on Net
Date: December 16, 1999
We feel that it is an
incumbent duty of Intellectuals like us to announce to the world via the
Press, our private decisions concerning our personal life. Hear ye, hear
ye: We have resolved to embrace the great religion called Islam because
our freedom had become frayed at the edges. We have outgrown the desire
for freedom. Hinduism is too lenient for us; there is simply too much freedom...
Naturally, Hindu fundamentalists are crying for our blue blood. But so
are the, er... remarkably devout sections of our future co-religionists.
They denounce us as a Hindu mole! We simply fail to understand! What have
we said that can be construed as shedding a poor light on Islam, we ask
you?!
We Intellectuals tend
to come full circle: When Hagar was cast out by her husband Abram and his
first wife Sarai (later christened by God as Abraham and Sarah, respectively),
and was languishing in the middle of the desert, the angel of the Lord
said unto her, "Behold, thou art with child and shalt bear a son, and shalt
call his name Ishmael... And he will be a wild man; his hand will be against
every man, and every man's hand against him; and he shall dwell in the
presence of all his brethren" (Genesis 16:1-16). And, lo, Ishmael was fruitful
and begat twelve princes, who begat twenty-one tribes, which multiplied
into the Arab nation, the soil for our beloved Islam.
You see, we, too, were
abandoned by Lord Krishna (to whom, our grandma told us when we were a
twee princess, we were married) and the other 30 million Hindu gods who
are presently too busy to regulate and discipline our life and protect
us. It was because of these entities that we sent shockwaves through strait-laced
India with our erotic works; under their influence we became the controversial
rebel who exploded hypocrisies. And so we are left with no choice but to
augment the augury on Ishmael: We are a wild personage, and we shall dwell
here, and we shall speak frankly and fearlessly about the religion we were
accidentally born into, and our hand will be against every man, and every
man's hand against us. (Figuratively! You have a filthy mind!) If Allah
is merciful, we will also be fruitful and beget many tribes (which we will
keenly monitor, just in case they show a propensity for Buddhism).
These fundamentalists
are mad at us for revealing to an interviewer that we are converting Lord
Krishna, our former intimate friend and love, to Allah, as well as making
him a prophet after naming him "Mohammed." They are threatening us with
death. We do not see what this fuss is all about! For, as you know, "Brahma"
is just a distortion of "Abraham," and Sarah is really Saraswati, and the
ten thousand cows in the Vedas actually refer to the ten thousand saintly
companions of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). As far as we're concerned, God is
an abstract entity. Even so, that will not prevent us from visiting Mecca
and embracing the soil of Madina asap. You see, towns and soil are also
abstract entities.
In any case, we don't
give a rat's ass about these fundamentalists. We have been getting calls
from almost all the Muslim countries extending their support to us; many
have invited us to visit their countries. Our announcement has greatly
enthused the Muslim community in our state. And their enthusiasm enthused
us so much that we promptly informed UNI about the welcome-to-the-fold
telegram from Abdul Nasir Mahdani, founder of the Islamic Sewak Sangh,
temporarily residing at Salem Central Jail, framed under various sections
of the IPC, including 153 (a) spreading communal hatred, 120 (b) criminal
conspiracy, 124 (a) sedition, and under the Arms Act. Now all we are waiting
for are communiques from Dawood Ibrahim and Osama bin Laden. Then we can
embrace the soil of Pakistan and Afghanistan, too.
If you remember, barely
three years ago, we had said that we believe that God is there in every
cell of our body, your body, every cell of this world. Some kind of power,
that is how we thought of God. We had said that that God was good enough
for us; that we didn't need "Gods trapped in mausoleums, temples, churches,
mosques"; that we didn't need such "Gods who can be imprisoned." Now we
know: we never did have a clue about God. God is He who's trapped in the
Ka'ba. Now we are wiser: we need gods who can be imprisoned. And why just
gods? A fact of life is, all feminists need to be imprisoned.
The immediate reason
for our accepting Islam seems to baffle others, we do not know why: We
were travelling in a car from Malabar Hill to Kandivili. We started the
journey along the highway at 6.45 am. We looked at the rising sun. Surprisingly,
it had the colour of a setting sun. It travelled with us and at 7.00 am,
it turned white. For years we have been looking for signs telling us when
to convert. Finally, we got the message: People squat. Besides, we are
against the Hindu way of cremating the dead; we do not want our body to
be burnt. We would prefer to rot and be gnawed away by maggots.
Hindus have abused and
hurt us. They (they!) have often tried to scandalise us (us!). We cannot
repose faith in Hinduism because Hindu gods never forgive. They only punish.
Our feeling is that Islam is a religion of love, the religion of forgiveness.
Allah is the fountainhead of love and compassion. We will write about that.
We will write poems with illustrations from the Quran and the Hadeeth,
the holy books containing the religious, social, civil, commercial, military,
and legal codes for Muslims:
* Fighting is obligatory
for you, much as you may dislike it. But you may hate a thing although
it is good for you, and love a thing although it is bad for you. God knows,
but you do not. (Surah 2:216)
* Let believers not make
friends with infidels in preference to the faithful -- he that does this
has nothing to hope for from God -- except in self-defence. (Surah 3:28)
* He will put terror
into the hearts of the unbelievers. They serve other deities besides God
for whom He has revealed no sanction. The Fire shall be their home; dismal
indeed is the dwelling of the evil-doers. (Surah 3:151)
* Those that deny our
revelations, We will burn in fire. No sooner will their skins be consumed
than We shall give them other skins, so that they may truly taste the scourge.
God is mighty and wise. (Surah 4:56)
* Then, when the sacred
months have passed, slay the idolaters wherever ye find them, and take
them [captive], and besiege them, and prepare for them each ambush. But
if they repent and establish worship and pay the poor-due, then leave their
way free. Lo! Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. (at-Taubah 9:5.10)
* Fight those who believe
not in God nor the last day... nor acknowledge the religion of truth, and
fight people of the book, until they pay Jizya with willing submission,
and feel themselves subdued. (Surah 9:29)
On second thoughts, we
would not like to comment on controversial subjects. We have no interest
in making a speech about the Shariat. Let others take care of it. We are
concerned only about the good things Islam can offer to us and to the world
at large. Like Omar Bakri Muhammad: "Using any biological weapons in self-defence
is, in Islam, permissible, and I believe that we are currently operating
under a defensive jihad... Obviously we regret what happens to people but
there are always people who are war casualties." Or Uganda's Idi Amin,
who slaughtered 300,000 of his people, mostly Christians, after he embraced
Islam. Or Nawabzada Nabiullah Khan, the ideologue for Jamaat-i-Islami:
"More science and technology is bad for civilisation. I had completed civil
engineering, hence I am privy to scientific knowledge. I can tell you how
corrupting that is. It even makes you question the glorious Quran. There
are many Hadeeths which say that the earth is flat. But any science will
tell you the earth is a sphere. But you can use the same science like relativity
theory to prove that the earth is flat." Or even Abul Kalam Azad, who forced
Tagore's Shantiniketan to delete "Satyam Shivam Sundaram" from its letter-head
by threatening to stop governmental subsidies when he was education minister.
On second thoughts, we'll avoid this, as well. For, of course, we did not
study much about Islam. We only thought about it a lot; we have been nurturing
the idea in our mind for the last 27 years. We have been lonely all through
our life. At nights, we used to sleep by embracing a pillow. We kept our
desire a secret for long. We embraced it now, when we strongly felt the
need for love and protection. NOT BY A YOUNG MUSLIM LEAGUE LEADER! You
have a filthy mind!
In any case, we do not
bother about the reactions from people like you. Our secularist community
has expressed happiness at our exercising our freedom. You know, secularists
are good people: they fully support conversion from Hinduism. The only
time they lose their cool is when fundamentalists begin reconversion drives.
If you remember, in March, Congressman Sultan Ahmed, CPI-M's Robin Dey
and nominated member Rosemary Gellian Hart raised the matter of the VHP's
paraavartan yagna in the West Bengal assembly and condemned the extremists
for their vile deed and demanded that the VHP be banned. Such is their
mettle.
On the whole, the response
has been very elating. At this stage of life, how else could we have collected
so much goodwill and publicity? We profited from our Prophet. The only
jarring note came from Bharatiya Vichara Kendram director, and thinker,
P Parameswaran: "May the Lord save Islam."
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