Author: Chandan Mitra
Publication: The Pioneer
Date: January 27, 2008
This chat was downloaded from the web. It is
a conversation that took place between the commander of a jihadi outfit and
a middle-rung functionary operating somewhere in Jammu and Kashmir. To mask
their personalities, we decided to call them jihadi 1(J1) and jihadi 2 (J2)
respectively.
J2: Salaam Waleiqum Boss, I have bad news to
report. Infidel dogs of the Indian security forces have mounted a great deal
of pressure on our jihadi groups. As it is, the cold wave in the Valley is at
its peak. It has snowed all over and made movement difficult. The local population
is less scared of us than before, so we are having trouble finding safe houses.
Worse, we are having great difficulty recruiting. In spite of all our brainwashing
efforts and sustained Pakistani support, we aren't getting enough locals to
act as informers or porters. Even our hardcore people are getting frustrated
and want to go back home. Tell me, Boss, what should I do? Really need your
guidance now.
J1: Waleikum Salaam. You have turned out to
be a real bewaqoof! Whoever made you Area Commander? I need to have that fellow's
head examined, besides yours. Obviously you don't follow the news. Haven't you
heard what the Indian Government has announced to help our jihadi cause?
J2: Indian Government is going to help us? I
don't believe this! What are you saying Boss? Please don't communicate in riddles.
True, I have been too worried about logistics the last week, having lost several
boys in encounters with Indian forces. So, I haven't been able to keep up with
the news. Please tell me.
J1: Listen properly you idiot. The Indian Government
has made recruitment much easier for us. They have offered such attractive terms
for jihadis that we won't have to send you assorted Afghans, Chechens, Sudanese
and other outsiders. You will be able to recruit all the boys you need locally.
I think they will queue up to join your ranks after last week's announcement.
You should go from village to village giving the good news and reassure families
of the boys already with us, and those who are likely to join us soon.
J2: Sir, please don't keep me in the dark any
more. Tell me what is the great bonanza the Indian Government has announced.
J1: The Indian Government has declared that
it will pay compensation to the family of every jihadi killed in encounters
with security forces. I don't know yet if this means that the families will
get a monthly pension or a hefty one-time compensation. But whatever it is,
do you realise its significance? In my 10 years of service in different countries,
Afghanistan and Chechnya particularly, I have never come across a Government
that actually rewards us for killing their boys! This is quite incredible. It
can happen only in India. It will make our recruitment drive so much easier.
Now you guys spread out all over and tell villagers that enlisting as a jihadi
is as good as enlisting in the police or Army. The service conditions are probably
better with us. They will not only get regular salaries from us, but also opportunities
to travel the world. Whenever we plan terror strikes outside India, we will
consider sending them to places like Spain, Britain, Australia and other such
countries. Of course, they may have to do stints in Africa and Russia too, but
we will ensure they don't only get hardship postings. And who knows, as our
terror net expands and we succeed in infiltrating into the US in big numbers,
they may even get a chance to take part in something like 9/11.
J2: But, Boss, these service conditions exist
already. What's new? We are currently offering new recruits a great package,
much better than what we got. In fact I have mentioned my salary hike issue
to you several times...
J1: Khamosh, budtameez! How dare you bring up
your salary issue now? You are supposed to be working for a Great Cause. When
you die fighting in a jihad you will get to heaven and have a pick of the choicest
houris. But think of the future recruits. Now they can join our ranks, kill
Indian forces at will and when they are eliminated in encounters, they would
have died happily in the assurance that the Indian Government will take care
of their families.
J2: Yes, Boss. It is a great offer. You are
right we will be able to cajole hundreds into joining the jihad from now. Potential
recruits were always worried what would happen to their families when they got
killed. That's a worry that's gone forever. But tell me, Boss, what's wrong
with the Indian Government? How could they make a promise like that? Won't people
in India get outraged?
J1: The Indian Government has always been very
considerate to jihadis in Kashmir. Don't you remember the time when quintals
of delicious, mouth watering biryani was ferried into the Hazratbal shrine in
Srinagar where our boys were holed up for a few weeks? The boys got so used
to biryani and kabab that they didn't want to leave! And as for public opinion,
no Government in India cares about such things. Indian people are very docile.
Everyday Maoists are killing dozens of security forces, but the Home Minister
says that terrorists are poor, misguided youth! Remember the Parliament attack
of December 13? So many Indian policemen died saving their leaders, but even
now compensation has not been given, their family members don't have the jobs
they were promised. Does anybody care? I am telling you, our sympathisers in
the Indian media will soon start agitating to improve the compensation package
offered to jihadis. They are all very considerate towards us and dead against
their own security forces.
J2: You are right Boss. After all, when they
released Azhar Masood Sahib, a top Minister even escorted him and his fellow
jihadis back to Kandahar. I remember that very distinctly. Those who cried hoarse
asking for his release, holding placards on Delhi's streets that time are now
blaming the earlier Government for being chicken! It is a funny country, I must
confess. Oh my God! Gunfire! I think the infidel dogs have discovered my hideout.
I have to get out, Boss. Don't worry, I will launch a big recruitment drive
very soon and explain the Government of India's generous compensation scheme.
I assure you big success. Shukriya Boss.
J1: By the way, the State Government has started
another programme to help us. It is going to kill 50 dogs in the next few days
so that they don't bark and alert the security forces. I think they will gradually
massacre all dogs in the Valley so our boys have a free run.
J2: Indian Government is great Boss! With enemies
like them, who needs friends?
(The facts mentioned are real. The conversation,
needless to add, is imaginary.)
