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The word 'secularism' is usually so casually used or abused-that in the humble opinion of the present writer it needs a brand-new and more appropriate definition. The term can be defined as - An attitude, an approach and an inclination against Hinduism,Hindutva and Hindu organizations and more particularly the Sangh parivar and 'soft' outlook towards the minorities in general and Muslims in particular!
Having deftly defined the puzzling term let us now dwell at some length,on how it can be detected/determined and discuss in some details the vast scope it offers to the secularists.
The real characteristic of the true secularist is the one who can in any given situation find fault with the 'communal'-read Hindus-people. He must also carry Hindu hatred in his heart! If any injustice is done to Hindus-suppress the news! If at present they are 'victims' dig up from the past and blame them squarely and firmly. The demolition of the disputed structure at Ayodhya-you must refer it as Babri Masjid though- is a ever green subject! Follow it with the communal riots that followed- but take care that you do not mention the subsequent bomb blasts! Never state the factual position of the Ayodhya temple .Ask Hindus to produce evidence for Rama's birth place.
Shed copious tears for the demolition of the Masjid. If in J & K Hindus are displaced from their homes- totally observe silence! If they are killed in the state call them only 'people' and do not refer to their faith in good faith! Harp on the injustice done to minorities in India and more particularly Muslims. Always talk about their poor economic condition and educational backwardness. Glorify the role of 'madrassas' in their education and hotly deny any connection with the talib terrorists! Never condemn the (Islamic) terrorists but forget not to bitterly criticize VHP and call upon the government to restrain the 'goondas'!
If anyone demands common civil code call him 'communal' and if the apex court tries to protect the Muslim ladies from the menace of talaq, demand for the amendment of the Constitution! Harp on the alienation of the people of Kashmir and vociferously support their right for the self-determination! Ignore Hindus and Buddhists in J & K as if they do not exist! Never even admit that lakhs of Hindus are displaced from their homes and that they are refugees in their own country! If Hindus are forced to migrate to India from Bangla Desh observe studied silence!
It is very important that the history must be presented in keeping with the 'definition' of secularism in mind. Hail Akabar as the greatest of kings and Aurangzeb as the most pious and simple man! Paint Shivaji with a secular brush! Never ever admit that the Muslim invaders destroyed thousands of Hindu temples.
At the most claim that they did it for economic considerations and not to spite the Hindus .Bring it out prominently that Hindus used to eat 'beef' and that the Aryans came to India from outside of the country thus subtlely hinting that they too were invaders!
Downplay achievements of Indians in the past and claim that only the British unified India! Claim that Sanskrit as a dead language and praise Urdu as the most beautiful one! Denounce the noise pollution during Hindu festivals but defend the noise generated during 'bang' on the microphone. Take governments to task if any 'pooja' is performed in the government offices but 'mum' is the word when it comes to 'Haj' subsidy! Always talk about the 'plurality' of Indian culture and never about the 'core' culture! If Hindus kill animals for their religious beliefs berate them in no uncertain terms but close your eyes when the 'goats' are 'sacrificed' during the Muslim festival! In fact, gloat over the goats' sacrifice! If Muslim brethren are blocking the traffic while offering 'namaz' or blocking the footpaths in the evenings of the 'Ramzan' month treat it as if it has not occurred!
Glorify the role played of the missionaries in the field of education and health-care but pretend not to notice their 'conversion' activities!
Invoke the Constitutional right which permit them to preach, practice and propagate the faith of their choice! Never concede that the conversions were brought-or bought- out by enticement! Take care to praise the noble teachings of Islam and Christianity but grudgingly, if ever, admire Hindu Dharma.
Never forget to allude that Islam stands for peace. Emphasize to the Hindus that they should be tolerant and lecture them on the virtues of non-violence. If the security forces kill the terrorists in J & K, file a PIL against them as an activist of The Human Rights Organization.
The important element of secularism is to be very 'soft' on Pakistan! Never miss an opportunity to openly admire Pakistan's current dictator-sorry- Pakistan President General Musharraf! Call him bold and pragmatic. You can even take the liberty of calling him the statesman! Roundly and soundly criticize the Indian leadership and particularly Vajpayee and Advani and urge them to initiate dialogue with Musharraf. You can even eat out of his hand during breakfast! If Pakistan becomes a stooge of USA-term it as a clever tactic!
Abuse Hindu organizations and call their leaders as reactionaries and fanatics. Refrain from even being mildly critical of the real terrorists and fundamentalists! Hindus should be assumed to be communal unless they prove their 'secular' credentials and the members of the minority community are deemed to be 'secular' unless proved otherwise! Ignore the Hindu leader like Savarkar and question his release from the Andaman jail. Pointedly avoid mentioning that the Congress leaders like Mahatma Gandhi and Nehru were shown a lot of consideration by the then rulers of India and released from the jails much before the due date. Partition is a subject to be avoided at all costs but blame RSS endlessly for the assassination of Mahatma Gandhi. Never raise the question why the 'secular' leaders of the Congress accepted the vivisection of the motherland on religious basis.
Claim strongly that the Congress totally rejected the 'two-nation theory'. Sacrifices of the other Congress leaders-other than Mahatma Gandhi and Nehru family- should never be mentioned. The revolutionaries do not deserve an ounce of approbation.
Remember that except for the BJP
and Shiv Sena , all others are the secular parties! Never mind even if
they are castiest! Never mind even if they are corrupt! Never mind even
if they have extra-territorial loyalties! So long as they are 'secular'
all other vices are minor! But they must join hands to defeat the 'communal'
forces. Once the concept of secularism is well understood by you, as corollary,
you would at once recognize who are 'communal'!
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