A Satire on Indian Pseudo-secularism
(with Secularism Ji ki Arati)
http://www.voi.org/vishal_agarwal/psec.html
SIGNED: Teesta Seetalvad, Father
Cedric Prakash, John Dayal, Maulana Wahiuddin, Comrade Romila Thapar, Comrade
D. N. Jha, Comrade R. S. Sharma, Jawed Akhtar, Shabana Azmi, Darryl D'Monte,
Dilip D'Souza, Dileep Simeon, Comrade Anand Patwardhan, Father Valson Thampu,
Seema Mustafa, Justice Tarkunde, Ram Puniyani, Comrade K. N. Pannikar,
Harbans Mukhia, Shahi Imam Bukhari, Syed Shahabuddin, Comrade N. Ram, Comrade
Praful Bidwai, Comrade Amulya Ganguli, Ashghar Ali Engineer, Rafique Zakaria,
M. J. Akbar, Maulana ABC, Father XYZ, Comrade MNO and 108 other secularists.
We, the concerned Indian Secular
Intellectuals (ISI) of the Secular People's Republic of India believe that
the destruction of the Babri Masjid was truly a cataclysmic event that
has now robbed Hinduism of innocence for all times to come. It has now
demolished, more resoundingly than that structure, the false notion that
Hinduism is or ever was tolerant. The event has only vindicated the great
Secular Eminent Historian (E. H.) Romila Thapar's thesis that the notion
of 'tolerant Hinduism' is only a myth. After all, the fascist Hindus have
earlier destroyed thousands of Buddhist and Jaina and Animist shrines,
setting a strong precedent for later, similar acts of egalitarian Muslim
rulers of India. When the Muslim rulers were destroying temples, they were
only following a precedent set up by Hindus. They were also replacing the
fascist, totalitarian Smriti with the egalitarian Sharia, as proved by
the secular historian Mohammad Habib.
In fact, so thorough were the actions
of fascist Hindus in the past that they have not left any literary and
archaeological trace of the destruction of these Stupas, Jaina temples
and Animist Shrines. But we are sure that the Hindus did all this in ancient
times, several centuries ago. However we also concur with Western Indologists
that Hinduism and Hindus are themselves a modern construct of the 19th
century and therefore did not exist before then. In contrast to fascist
Hindus, the secular Muslim rulers practiced sound environmentalism by recycling
the temple parts into their secular mosques. By incorporating temple parts
into mosques, they have demonstrated their commitment to a pluralist society
and respect for diversity.
Secularist Mani Shankar Aiyer had
stated in the Indian Parliament that the remnants of the displaced Hindu
Vishvanath temple embedded in the walls of the Gyanavapi Aurangzebi mosque
at Varanasi are a symbol of our beautiful composite culture and represent
Islam and Hinduism in embrace.
The great secular Eminent Historian
D. N. Jha had declared that when Hindus started worshipping cows around
300 AD, they sowed the seeds of modern day communalism. We argue that Valmiki
sowed the seeds of Hindu fascism much earlier. The incident of Babri demolition
should clinch any dithering on this matter. Therefore, in the interests
of our secular polity, Ramayana should be banned. T V serials like Ramayana
and Mahabharata not only promote puerile superstitions and undermine the
scientific temper of secular India, they also promote Hindu chauvinism.
Therefore, all such serials should be banned, particularly because Doordarshan
cannot show serials on Prophet Muhammad.
Many of us had vowed that if the
fascist, Hindu Nationalist Party BJP comes to power, we would leave India.
But now we have changed our minds and want to stay back. This change is
not because we continue to enjoy government largesse and have compromised
with the fascist forces, but because we want to spend time in educating
Indians by organizing morchas, bandhs, dharnas, by writing apologias for
Hurriyat conference and Taliban leaders, attending Urdu Mushairas with
Pakistanis at 5 Star Hotels and gobbling shahi paneer and murga massallams,
making free govt. paid trips to Lahore, and holding the Indian parliament
to ransom over the rise of Hindu fascism. In fact, many of us like N. Ram,
K N Pannikar and Romila Thapar do spend a lot of time abroad alerting people
about rising fascism in India.
The destruction of the great Babri
Masjid might not have split India, as predicted earlier by our Theory,
but it has certainly vivisected Hindus and Muslim minds, which co-existed
in perfect secular bliss and harmony before that. After the Day of Judgment
(6 December 1992), there were fortunately great secular upsurges. Secular
Muslim intellectuals erased 450 communal Hindu structures in India, 200
in Bangladesh, 100 in Pakistan, 22 in Great Britain and 1 at Toronto (Canada).
Our secular predictions that Hindu
fascists will take revenge on hapless minorities, and thus repeat history
have come true. The Hindu fanatics indeed repeated history and enslaved
millions of minority members and exported them to Central Asia and the
Middle East. They imposed Jaziyah tax on 'Mlecchas', raped their women,
destroyed thousands of mosques, burnt thousands of 'mleccha' scriptures,
destroyed secular Madrassaas and seminaries, forcibly converted several
thousand/nay millions of minority community members whom they called now
'mlecchas' (because the 'mlecchas' had called them 'kafirs'). To 'defend'
their agglomeration of gutter and animist cults called 'Hinduism', the
xenophobic, fanatical, revisionist, revanchist, majoritarian, totalitarian,
autocratic, crass, crude, parochial, feudal, racist, misogynist, anti-Dalit,
anti-minority, chauvinist, Nazi (phew! Saying all these words gives so
much instant relief to our secular minds) Hindu fascists invaded all lands
from Spain to India - just like the secular Arabs did immediately after
the death of the great Prophet to defend egalitarian Islam.
In fact, it is because of the destruction
of the Babri Masjid that the oppressed Talibans were forced to destroy
the Buddhist statues in Afghanistan. Have they not said so already? We
agree with them. Imam Bukhari of Jama Masjid also stated that he will intervene
on this matter provided the fascist BJP government returns the Babri Masjid
to Muslims. Again, we agree with him, just as we have always. In fact,
it is because of the destruction of Babri Masjid in 1992, that the Muslim
secularists drove out the Hindus of Kashmir in 1989, destroyed 50 Hindu
temples in 1980's and created Pakistan in 1947. Therefore, although we
cannot guarantee that the Masjid will be rebuilt at the very spot, we will
nevertheless disrupt the proceedings of the Parliament every year in December
to prove that we are 'More Secular than Thou'.
It is because of the Babri demolition
and the Nuclear blasts by the fascist Hindu nationalists, that Pakistan
invaded Kargil. The Hindu fascist storm troopers and jingoists then actually
had the cunning to launch their blitzkrieg at Kargil to push these egalitarian
forces into Pakistan! It is because of the Babri Masjid demolition that
the Mumbai riots took place. It is because of the Babri Masjid demolition
that the secular Muslim underworld leaders blasted bomb at Mumbai. It is
all the fault of Hindus.
Hindus should not now take revenge
because Hinduism teaches forgiveness and the equality of all religions.
Hinduism teaches that this world is an illusion. So why crib over the destruction
of a few temples here and there. But most important, Hinduism teaches non-violence.
As Mahatma Gandhi had told Hindus in Pakistan: "It is better to stay there
and die to the last man, than to even resist your Muslim attackers. By
sacrificing your lives meekly for the sake of non-violence, Hindus will
add great prestige to their religion". We might be Secular Hindus ourselves,
or might not be Hindus at all, but we consider it out duty to remind you
of your traditions. Therefore, by raising your voices against imaginary
atrocities on Hindus, do not re-invent Hinduism and destroy your religion.
We should learn from the secular
example of Maulana Wahiuddin. When asked to pray for the Indian soldiers
fighting at Kargil, he refused; under the pretext that he cannot pray for
people who are fighting the Muslims. In reality, he did not want to side
with the Hindu nationalist government who was fighting with our neighbors,
instead of striking peace with them. This is why secular leaders Soniaji
and Priyankaji went for the Maulana's funeral later, to express their support
for the cause of secularism in India.
We, as secular, liberal and neutral
historians, had earlier warned that all this will happen if our infallible
truth (that there was no temple beneath the Babri mosque) is not propagated
and forced down the throats of RSS fascists. Even if there were a temple
there, it had only probably displaced a pre-existing Buddhist Stupa. So
what if there is no proof of the Stupa? You cannot equate our infallible
assertions with the 200 artifacts of some temple found beneath the mosque
after its demolition, because these artifacts are either fabrications or
clearly are pilfered items from museums of Beijing, Havana and Calcutta.
We have explained these two points in great detail in our party organ Frontline
with the help of Harvard scholar Michael Witzel. So, do not blame us for
this mess. If only Narasimha Rao had emulated the secular hero Maulana
Mulayam Singh Yadav, and had ordered the police to mow down the thousands
of Hindutva fascists at Ayodhya who were chanting fascist slogans like
'Jai Siya Ram', this communal upsurge could have been stopped.
And do not even dare to compare
the destruction of Babri Masjid with the demolition of thousands of temples
in the world by Muslims. Do not even mention the ethnic cleansing of Hindus
from Kabul to Srinagar. All these were caused by Hindu cunning, and none
of these events is more heinous than the destruction of the Babri Masjid.
The murder of Graham Staines is a close second. All other crimes in India
are not even a distant third. Besides, don't you know that you could promote
Hindu communalism and fascism by even mentioning the destruction of temples
at Kashmir? Knowing this, if you protest against the destruction of temples
or killings of Hindus anywhere and anytime, you become a de-facto dirty
Hindu fascist and Hindu Talibans, and we can charge you with carrying out
with public amputations, of subjugating women, of abetting international
terrorism, of sheltering Osama like terrorists and of carrying out airplane
hijackings. In any case, all Hindu organizations are Talibans of India.
They are all Fascists.
We agree that two wrongs do not
make one right. But then, why are you being presumptuous in condemning
Taliban's actions as wrong without considering that they have been driven
to desperation by the Capitalist West. The West is hypocritical because
it never cared to save the dying Afghans caught in the crossfire between
Talibans and its misogynist, revanchist, autocratic, fanatical enemies.
Neither should you bring in the question of Kashmiri Hindus here. Did not
one of the secularists prove earlier that the Pandits are the ones who
created a communal crisis in the valley by sucking up to fascist Jagmohan
and leaving the secular Kashmir valley en masse? Nor can you compare the
destruction of the great Babri with the supposed destruction of countless
temples in the world. First, and most important, Babri is Babri. Its destruction
cannot be compared to the alleged destruction of any temple. Secondarily,
there could be economic or political motives at work in the alleged destruction
of temples, as shown by Western academic Richard Eaton on our party organ
('Frontline') whereas, the demolition of Babri Masjid was clearly the handiwork
of fascists, fanatics, anti-Dalit, anti-Minority, revanchist, totalitarian,
majoritarian, khakhi knickerwallas. In any case, we reiterate again that
any attempts to brow beat the Talibans without looking at the larger secular
picture is only promoting Hindutva fascism and lands the critic into the
camp of fascists.
And so what if secular Secular scholar
Iravatham Mahadevan had also asserted that there was a temple beneath the
mosque? He has so far not equated the animist, primitive, bucolic Vedic
culture with the Harappan culture. Therefore he remains a secularist. If
he were to change his opinion tomorrow and say that the Vedic culture and
Harappan Culture were one, then we will label him a communal saffronist.
Do you not remember what we did to B. B. Lal, the doyen of Indian archaeology?
He might have 'Lal' (= red) as his surname, but we made him 'saffronist'
as soon as he rejected the Aryan Invasion Theory and also said that a temple
existed at the site of the mosque. We might have quoted his writings approvingly
earlier, but now all of them are rejected, and labeled 'saffronist and
communal' retrospectively.
So these are the two litmus tests
to decide whether you are a secularist or whether you are a fanatic/reactionary/revisionist/feudal/bigot/narrow
minded/ revanchist/communal/cow belter BIMARU/ Upper Caste chauvinist Hindu
fascist (especially Brahmin-Bania type)-
1. Your stance on the Aryan Invasion
Theory and,
2. Your stance on Babri (pronounced
similar to the 'Rabri', the spouse of the secular hero Laloo who stopped
fascist Advani's Japanese Toyota van christened as 'Ratha').
And this is how we should interpret
the results of the Litmus test for deciding if a person is communal or
if he is secular-
1. If your color changes from an
indifferent, cold blue to a livid, secular LEFTIST red whenever the name
Babri masjid is uttered, you are a secularist.
2. And whenever your RIGHT-eous
red of indignation changes to a cold, indifferent blue at the mention of
the expulsion of Kashmiri Hindus from Kashmir, you are a secularist again.
Last but not the least, we want
to warn our innocent and gullible secular countrymen to be wary of these
peddlers of hate who come in various guises. These Nazi Hindus can go to
any extent to hide their real faces. To refurbish their international image,
these fascists have been feed 50,000 homeless victims of the Kutch earthquake
since 26 January 2001. These angels of death have rescued 1500 injured
from below the debris. These pyromaniac Hindu Nazis have cremated 2000
corpses, probably because they have a lot of practice from incinerating
Christian priests and other minority community members every now and then
in gas chambers. We could have also done all this work in a secular way.
For instance, we organized mass funds collection drives in Kolkata to support
Cuba and Comrade Fidel Castro when his country was being besieged by Capitalist,
Imperialist United States. This time however, most of us decided not to
waste our precious time at Kutch. Instead, we have gone all over the world,
and have spoken to the International press on the anti-Dalit, anti-Minority
and fascist nature of these pretenders, fascists, Nazi Hindu fanatics.
Down with Hindu Nazis! Down with
Fascists!
To promote Secularism, we must sing
the following secular Bhajans everyday 5 times a day facing Beijing or
Islamabad--
Secularism Ji ki Arati
OM (Only Marxist)
Chhanda:
NRam naam ras lijiye manuva, NRam
naam ras lijiye|
Tajiye ku-Sangh, SAHMAT sung baithiye,
Romila bhajan nish-din kijiye||
Chupai:
Hindustan, Pakistan ka cheraa |
Kijiye secular hridaya mein deraa
||
Sunahum NRam, ab kahahun niketaa,
Jahaan basahun, Romila Thapar Sametaa
|
Marx hi nivedit, bhojana karahin,
Secular prasaad laal vastra dharahin||
Kar nit karahin, Namboodirpad Puja,
Soniya bharosey hridaya nahin duujaa|
Charan Beijing teerath chali jaahin|
Secularism basahun, tinakey man
maahin||
Doha:
Jai Jai Jai Romila Maayi, Dayaa
karo Soniya ki Naayi |
West Bengal ik secular samaaju,
JNU hi teeratharaaju ||
Shloka:
Sarve santu secularists,
sarve Hindu mrtyumayaaH |
Sarve red pustakani pasyantu,
Maa kaschit saffronist bhavet ||
Doha:
Laal rang, laali lasai, bhagavaa
dhvajaa giray koop |
Laloo Mullu Yadav sahit, Hindu
dharam par kooch ||
Jai Jai kaar:
Pakistan ki jai ho, Hindustan ka
naash ho |
Minorities mein sadbhaavaa ho,
secularists ka kalyaan ho ||
Marx suta Jyoti Basu ki jai !
Bolo Romila Thapar ki Jai!
Jai Jai Shabana Samarth |
