Author: Murali Balaji
Publication: www.delawareonline.com
Date: February 28, 2004
URL: http://www.delawareonline.com/newsjournal/local/2004/02/28balancingbetwee.html
Indian-American youth keep traditions
alive
When 18-year-old Nikhil Neelkantan
of Newark got his driver's license, the first place he drove was the Hindu
Temple in Hockessin for reflection and prayer. Since then, he has gone
to the temple every week, surprising his father, Neel, who emigrated from
India 35 years ago.
"When we grew up in India, the first
thing you did when you got something was you go and pray," said Neel Neelkantan,
who said he didn't expect his son to do the same in the United States.
Neelkantan said he was surprised that his son has embraced a tradition
that is common in India, but not here.
Nikhil Neelkantan is one of thousands
of young Indian-Americans in Delaware trying to balance the customs of
their South Asian homeland with the vastly different modern culture of
America.
While many young Indian-Americans
were once quick to shed time- honored traditions of India for American
ways, more are now increasingly achieving a balance between their two worlds,
in large part because of the recent explosion of Indian pop culture in
America.
The British film "Bend It Like Beckham,"
which showcased an Indian family's struggle between tradition and acceptance,
scored big with American audiences. And Indian movies such as "Laagan"
and "Monsoon Wedding" have been hits in the United States, clearing the
way for India's movie industry, known as Bollywood, to export more such
films to the West.
Artists such as Jay-Z, Missy Elliott
and Timbaland have combined their hip-hop styles with Indian beats to make
Top 40 music that is striking a chord.
Suddenly, being Indian is "hip,"
teens and experts said.
"There's something about Indian
movies and Indian music that gives me a feeling I don't get from American
music," said Shalini Neelkantan, Nikhil's twin sister. "I feel proud of
being Indian."
Local high schools and colleges
such as the University of Delaware host dances where Bhangra, folk music
with contemporary beats that originated in Punjab, ring through the halls.
On weekends, young Indian-Americans can watch Indian music videos and movies
on a local cable channel and listen to popular Hindi songs during Raga,
a two-hour program on the UD radio station.
S. Mitra Kalita, author of "Suburban
Sahibs," a book examining the impact of Indian immigration on New Jersey,
said the desire of young Indian-Americans to connect with their Indian
culture has a lot to do with Indian influences in American pop culture.
"It's not a coincidence that being
Indian is suddenly en vogue," Kalita said.
Indian-Americans are one of the
fastest growing ethnic groups in the country, increasing from 800,000 in
1990 to roughly 1.9 million today. The Indian-American population in Delaware
has nearly tripled in the last decade, up from 2,200 in 1990 to nearly
6,000 in 2003, with most living in the northern part of New Castle County,
according to census data.
Several Indian restaurants and grocery
stores have opened in the county. The Hindu Temple in Hockessin opened
in 2001, becoming a social and cultural gathering place for many Indian-Americans.
Indians also are among the most
affluent of any ethnic group, with a median income of about $62,000 a year,
compared with the U.S. average of $38,000, according to the census.
That affluence means many young
Indian-Americans have the opportunity to travel to India and learn about
their heritage firsthand.
Manjul Asthana, a Newark psychologist
who heads the Indo-American Association of Delaware youth group, said the
more exposure young people have to their culture, the more pride they will
take in it.
Asthana, who has lived in Delaware
since 1973, recalled that in the late 1980s and early 1990s, her daughter,
Shivika, and other young Indians would shy away from their heritage because
they wanted to be accepted as Americans.
"They didn't want to be seen as
different," Asthana said.
The desire of young Indian-Americans
to be accepted as Americans often clashed with their parents' goal of maintaining
Indian traditions. Indian parents were less likely to allow their children
to participate in activities considered American, recalled Shivika.
A former member of the rock group,
Papas Fritas, Shivika Asthana, 30, said as a teen she would sneak out for
dates and parties.
She said her parents didn't allow
her to participate in sleepovers with friends, and she had to take Indian
dance lessons and learn to play the sitar, an Indian string instrument.
"My life centered around the Indian
community," Shivika recalled. "I wasn't trying to do that. It happened
by default."
She said her parents wanted her
to have an arranged marriage, a tradition in India, and get a professional
job. She joined a rock band, instead. "It took my parents a little convincing,
but they accepted it," she said.
Her band, which broke up two years
ago, released three CDs and had one of their songs played in a TV commercial.
Shivika is now a freelance Web developer in Boston.
Better educational and economic
opportunities are the reasons many Indians immigrated to the United States
beginning in the late 1960s. Many came to Delaware for graduate studies
at UD and Goldey- Beacom College or to work at corporations such as DuPont.
Others came to work as doctors or to start their own businesses.
Many Indian parents limit or prohibit
their children from participating in activities that distract them from
academics and the goal of a successful career. Dinesh and Daisy Rawlley
of Middletown said they have encouraged their children to take part in
extra-curricular activities but emphasize academics first.
"My parents expect nothing less
than A's when I come home," said Eshawn Rawlley, a sophomore who plays
soccer and tennis at Tatnall High School in Greenville. "It makes me want
to perform well."
Dinesh Rawlley, Eshawn's father,
said the same was expected of him growing up in Punjab, a state in India.
"My parents put an emphasis on studies - nothing else," Dinesh Rawlley
said.
But raising children in the United
States, means making room for social activities, he said.
The Rawlleys recently returned from
a two-week trip to India to visit relatives.
"Here, we spend more time with our
kids, but we bring them up with some of the values we grew up with," Rawlley
said.
Dinesh and Daisy Rawlley insist
on the family having dinner together every Friday. They often watch Hindi
language movies and discuss family issues, which they credit for keeping
the family close-knit and culturally in-touch.
"We try to tell our kids, 'You are
lucky to have two cultures - pick the best out of both,' " said Dinesh
Rawlley, who works for Playtex in Dover.
Like many Indian parents, the Rawlleys
speak their mother tongue - Hindi - along with English at home to keep
their children fluent in their native language.
The Rawlleys' daughter, Ashley,
said she translates Hindi words used in American songs for her friends.
"They want to know what some of
these words mean and it's cool being able to tell them," she said.
For many young Indian-Americans,
dating is the primary area where they find themselves in a tug of war between
the expectations of their traditional parents, many of whom did not date
when they were young, and those of their contemporary American peers.
"I disagree with how our parents
have raised us sometimes," said Jay Mittal, 18, of Hockessin about growing
up in a strict household. "But when we're in college and our parents are
here, they can trust us because we respect their values."
Asthana said children who grow up
respecting the importance of education, faith and Indian history without
having it forced on them are more likely to keep their heritage as they
grow older.
"Our kids have a lot of strength
in dealing with two cultures," Asthana said.
Sadhana and Ashok Pasricha of Hockessin
encourage their daughters, Sarina, 20, and Meghan, 17, to take part in
Indian activities such as Bharatnatyan - a South Indian dance - and Indian
classical music, along with American activities. Meghan is a trained classical
Indian dancer, the co-captain of the girls' golf team at Sanford School
in Hockessin and a black-belt in karate.
In the Pasrichas' home are pictures
of Hindu gods, imported artwork from India and Rolling Stones albums.
"We realized that if we didn't incorporate
what our children wanted, this family wasn't going to be successful," Sadhana
Pasricha said. "We also wanted them to know that there is a place for Indian
culture in their lives."
(mbalaji@delawareonline.com)
