Author: Nonie Darwish
Publication: FrontPageMagazine.com
Date: December 30, 2002
URL: http://www.frontpagemagazine.com/Articles/ReadArticle.asp?ID=5301
I hope that my story will shed light
on the truth in the Middle East to every American, especially to those
who subscribe to the erroneous idea that US policy in that region must
have caused Islamic and Arab hatred of the West.
My father, who was not a Palestinian,
was a very prominent military officer in the Middle East, I will not mention
the country for personal reasons. His job was to mobilize Palestinian forces
into Israeli territory and cause as much death and damage to Israel as
possible. As a small child in the 50's, I remember the horror of being
told not to take any candy or fruit from any stranger since it could have
a bomb in it. Our house was surrounded with security, a couple of times
our train trip was cancelled because the train tracks were bombed. I remember
sleeping nights under the bed fearing the sound of bombs and explosions.
I remember going to a Palestinian
preschool and kindergarten and the word "Jew" instilled terror and dread
into the core of my very being. A Jewish person was portrayed like less
than human, a dog, an evil alien from outer space who was about to destroy
the world. Jews, they said, had no home because they were cursed by God
and the main mission of Islam was to get rid of Jews. As a small child
I remember once, at a Palestinian school, asking "why?" The response was
that I was a traitor for asking this question and would go to hell, and
for the rest of the day the girls in the school did not talk to me. The
education was mainly political, teaching kids the hatred of Israel. Arabic
poetry was recited daily, with tears in Palestinian children's eyes, on
how Palestine was taken from them and how they will retaliate and even
die to get it back.
In spite of this atmosphere, my
own family which was not Palestinian, did not discuss this hatred. To my
mother, and I think also to my father, whom I hardly remember, his job
was his duty, nothing more and nothing less, and I don't think he really
liked it. My mother said that he was getting sick of his job and was promised
to leave his post and get transferred to a post that did not require living
on the edge as he and all of us (his family) were. Two weeks before leaving
his post he was killed by the Israelis in retaliation.
My loving father died at age 35
and never saw his children grow, let alone his grandchildren. He was robbed
of his life and for that I blame the Middle Eastern Islamic culture and
the propaganda of hatred taught to children from birth.
Immediately after my father's death
many people congratulated (!!!) us as the children of a hero and a shahid
"Martyr". I remember I spent many nights crying alone wishing he did not
have a cause to die for and I resented the idea of martyrdom. It never
made sense to my young mind then since, why should God want us to die for
a cause when he gave us life?! I was told that my dad was in heaven now
since he died as martyr and schools and streets were named after him. I
was shocked to know that almost 90% of streets in the Middle East are named
after martyrs. As I walked in my neighborhood I found street after street
with men's names who gave their lives to martyrdom! What a disaster to
many families and children, but we were taught only to be proud and retaliate!
I dreamed my father would probably come back home from heaven since we
needed him more than heaven.
In the funeral I saw men crying
like children after his death since he was deeply loved by others too.
My mother, after the funeral, was left in a severe depression of which
she never truly recovered and my childhood together with my siblings was
further ruined. We received a generous pension from the government and
so my mother was able to send us to the best private schools. I was very
lucky to go to a Catholic school run by Irish nuns.
After a short time, the people who
had congratulated us were nowhere to be found, and my mother had very little
emotional help. Being in the Middle East in the late 50's, it was very
difficult for a woman to live without a husband. There is practically no
social structure of support for widows. It is a very clan-like society.
Your strength and social status comes only from your family and especially
your male relatives. Despite the crowded cities of the Middle East and
close proximity of living conditions, the people seem friendly but are
isolated from one another and believe in envy. There is strict ritual of
behavior, but not genuine social cohesion. The culture is dominated by
the idea that "I will be cursed by people who will envy me" to the point
of paranoia. People have to keep their distance, sometimes even from their
own family members, in defense from the Evil Eye. They always point out
that "envy" was mentioned in the Koran. They never discussed envy as a
sin that hurts the person who is envious, but as a curse that one has to
be on guard against. They learn to keep all good news secret and wear blue
beads to stop the Evil Eye.
All the good Moslems who were very
proud of my Dad stopped visiting after a few weeks. Maybe some women did
not want us to envy them having husbands and fathers! The relationships
among Moslem women were extremely competitive since, according to the Islamic
law, husbands can have up to four wives, therefore visiting and being friendly
with widowed women can be very threatening. Women actually could shun a
beautiful young widow like my mother. One time I heard a woman telling
her husband that he could fool around if he wanted to, but to please never
marry another woman. Family loyalties and structure is very different there.
In the Middle East a woman's reputation
is everything. Neighbors would watch every step of a woman leaving her
house, what time she came home and who visited her. I remember my mother
chastised me and grounded me because a boy came to talk to me when I was
waiting for her to pick me up from school. She said "don't you care about
your reputation, having no father and a boy talking to you on the sidewalk?!"
I can't blame her now since she was living in this tragedy herself.
The first day I attended my Catholic
school, the nuns told my mother they were praying for her. The first day
was very peaceful and I felt love among people for the first time in a
long time. It was a different kind of love, a peaceful kind of love that
wants nothing in return. Half the class was Moslem and we attended a class
once a day to learn the Koran. The "Islam" teacher merely recited verses
and spoke of Islamic history. I constantly felt that the God of Islam was
always angry at us and there was a constant threat of Hell. We never discussed
love and a large amount of time was devoted to the wars of Mohammed and
how he won most of them. He and his followers would engage in wars with
other tribes from Mecca and kill and loot their caravans. They did that
for 20 years until Mohamed won and Mecca surrendered. As a child the stories
scared me. I am very appreciative that my mother never insisted on us to
practice Islam and she had no hatred toward other religions.
The Middle East culture deprived
me of my father and left me and my siblings helpless orphans with no emotional
support from a cruel social structure. I grew up with anger and struggled
for a long time to keep my sanity. My trust of people and sense of security
was shattered and I learned to question anything and everything starting
with the Arab hatred of Jews. The Moslems' hatred of Christians came next
after Jews. I guess there were too many Arab Christians and perhaps the
idea was, take one at a time, get rid first of Jews, then Christians.
Christians were commonly called
"Blue Bone", I never knew what that meant, but I do know that it meant
something bad. When I grew up and finished college I could not stay in
this society any longer. My love of life won and I refused to fall into
the cycle of hate and live in a society with clashing contradictions. The
culture that does not have enough value for life will not have value for
people to get together to advance their economic and social condition.
That is why most Middle East and Moslem countries are economic basket cases.
Thank God a country called the USA opened its arms to people from all across
the world, and I was honored to immigrate to the US over 23 years ago and
become a part of this great nation.
I could not adjust to a Middle East
culture that doesn't value children's life enough, a culture that orphans
its own children and is so obsessed with hatred of Jews that it's ready
to sacrifice the morals and health of its family structure over a few miles
of land and the city of Jerusalem, which is the holy land of Jews and Christians.
Unfortunately, the current Islamic culture is in the process of committing
moral suicide.
The U.S.A. set an example to the
world on how different races and different religions can coexist with respect
despite their differences. I wish Islam would show some grace and accept
the Jewish people and the state of Israel. The Jewish people enrich the
Middle East culture and tie us to the historical origin of the region.
Can you believe what a tragedy it would be if all Jews in the Middle East
left? I sometimes daydream of a day in which the Moslems welcome and celebrate
the Jewish existence in the Middle East and realize that the Jewish religion
is not a threat to them and that it is the origin of both Christianity
and Islam. Islam took a lot from Judaism and Christianity and perhaps is
afraid of being exposed. Could that be why Moslems don't want to coexist
with other religions? Moslems are very sensitive when you point to the
fact that their holiest day of celebration is the Bible story of Abraham,
his son and the lamb. In reality, they don't need to feel this way since
Islam has developed into its own identity and distinction.
A message to all Middle East women:
it is in your hands to change your society. Stop being submissive in giving
up your husbands and sons to martyrdom. What a tragedy when you celebrate
the death of your suicide bombers sons. Value their lives so they might
value theirs and maybe they will respect you more.
I plead to the wives and daughters
of "Shahid" to listen. The same people who will congratulate you on your
beloved "Shahid" father or son are the same people who will criticize you
as a loose woman when they see you leave your homes alone without a man
to run your life. The people who encourage terrorists and Shahids are cruel
and evil people that hide behind the Koran for the sake of attaining power
and high office. They are ready to give up these men's lives and maybe
throw a little money to the families. That might fool some as support,
but wait, in no time you will be alone in bringing up your kids and facing
the difficulties of life alone in a merciless society that has no respect
for single women. You will be without a husband and your children deprived
of fathers growing up. They are ready to sacrifice generation after generation
of women widowed at a young age and children orphaned! For what? I remember
as a teenager when people criticized our home as having no man in it, and
people watching all our moves and criticizing us when we had male guests.
In Islam every home is respected by the male figure in it. How about the
homes of "martyrs" Usama and Arafat? Has any one of the virtuous Moslem
leaders thought of that? Don't be fooled by the glory of being a martyr.
I learned that the hard way, but thank God I triumphed. I could not have
done it without living in freedom in the USA.
As a child I was asked by many:
"Are you going to avenge the killing of your father by killing Jews?" My
answer now as an adult is a firm "no". Instead, I will live to expose the
dark side of the Moslem culture and Islamic fundamentalists.
Nonie Darwish is an American of
Arab/Moslem origin. A freelance writer and public speaker, she runs the
website www.ArabsForIsrael.com.
