Author: Meenakshi Sinha
Publication: The Times of India
Date: April 16, 2007
URL: http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/India/Wanted_Homely_Indian_groom/articleshow/msid-1911566,curpg-2.cms
Introduction: A growing number of western
women are flocking to India in search of love and marriage. Indian men, they
say, are sincere, honest and committed in a relationship
It's not only spirituality, yoga, holistic
healing or tourism which draws foreigners to India; an increasing number of
them are now coming here in search of love and life partners. Interestingly,
this is a stark reminder of a trend prevalent 150 years ago when British girls
were sent to India to get suitably hitched.
Sincerity, honesty and family values are the
guiding principles of the present lot when they come looking for their partners.
And most admire the joint family culture, which ironically, is being discarded
by Indians. These foreigners are willing to compromise for love and stability
in life. Material comforts mean little to them.
Caroline Thomas could barely conceal her excitement
on seeing red vermillion smeared on some women's forehead at Delhi's Dilli
Haat. Dressed in light blue salwar kameez, kolhapuri chappals and sporting
a pony tail, Caroline was aware of the significance of the vermillion. "I
believe only married women wear this along with a round sticker (she meant
the bindi) on their forehead," she says. Caroline had certainly done
her homework. Her love for India and its people (read men) was quite clear.
"I think I will settle down here as Indian men are very honest, sincere
and caring."
One who had travelled extensively to Rajasthan,
Mumbai and now Delhi, Caroline also expressed fancying the silver toe-ring
(worn by married women mostly in northern India) and 'the black bead chain'
as she says for the traditional mangalsutra.
Caroline is one of the many foreigners who
can be seen just about anywhere in the country - at airports, local markets,
eating joints and historical monuments - trying hard to be more Indian than
their desi counterparts. But for the colour of their hair (in some instances),
skin and a bottle of mineral water in hand, these foreigners could easily
pass of as Indians.
Michelle from Ohio, USA, can't stop raving
about Indian men and their sensibilities. She is particularly fond of the
dark-skinned, serious-looking types. "They seem to appear brutally sincere,
which is so appealing," says this intern with a media organisation. Michelle
has a close group of seven-eight friends (both Indian and American) and is
on the threshold of a possible relationship with one of them, who happens
to be an Indian. "I can't name him as his family might have issues regarding
us, but we really love each other and I'm keeping my
fingers crossed."
New Zealander Nicole was not aware that her
trip to India would end up with her finding a life partner. She first came
to Mumbai in February 2005 after a long backpacking trip and immediately fell
in love. "I knew instantly that I'd be committing permanently to India,"
says Nicole, who spared no time in getting hitched to Ramesh - two weeks to
be precise. After a one-year courtship, they married in February 2006. "I
fell in love with my husband-to-be on our first meeting. After initial hesitation
both of us decided to go for it," says 26-year-old Nicole, now married
to Ramesh Krishnamurthy 33, from Mumbai.
'Outrageously shocking' is how Nicole describes
her moving-in with Ramesh before getting married. Neither of their family
knew about it. Nicole and Ramesh were introduced in January 2005 through a
mutual friend. Nicole found Ramesh handsome, articulate, intelligent and successful.
"He's the kind of guy that every one loves. He's won over my entire family,
to the point that they look forward to seeing him more than me when we go
home for holidays."
Nicole found immediate support from her parents
in New Zealand. The fact that her elder sister was married to a Hindu helped.
Luckily, she got along with her mother-in-law whom she calls Amma. The only
problem they face is the language. "My mom-in-law speaks fluent Tulu
(Ramesh is from Mangalore) and Hindi but she's not so fluent in English. And
I'm not fluent in Hindi, but we get by as we both realise it will be a slow
process."
Even the food has not been a problem for her.
Nicole loves her mom-in-law's cooking who regularly dishes out delectable
Mangalorean fish curries, fish fry, crab curry, idli, coconut chutney and
chicken curries. "We live with Amma who is a star at home. She is an
amazing cook and manages the home too. I can eat her food every day of the
year without getting homesick. Though, I do admit to sneaking out for a red
wine and steak dinner every six weeks or so," she laughs. Nicole is currently
bracing herself to take over some of the cooking and household responsibilities
as she looks forward to settling down permanently in Mumbai. "We are
planning to have kids soon, our own 'Mumbaiikar-kiwi' kids."
While the foreigners flock to India to look
for perfect partners and ideal marriages, Indian parents are not too happy.
They not only worry about mixed blood, different cultures and grandchildren
but also the stability of the relationship. Most view foreign brides as not
serious about relationships.
Judie from Malaysia is only too aware of these
concerns. She met her Indian husband in 2002. They got married two years later
despite pressure from the husband's family. Now, Judie is putting in extra
effort to make her marriage successful as she wants stability.
Michelle is similarly anguished about her
future, but is hanging on for the sake of love. For someone who has been in
a live-in relationship earlier in the US, the Indian values of commitment
to relationships especially in a marriage, matters a lot. "I know I won't
find a lasting relationship in my country. Indian men are far more committed
because their culture demands it. They are also more emotional compared to
men in the West."
Meanwhile, 40-year-old Susan Anne Wood from
UK has set the trend for all to follow. For her age has been no bar: she married
Deepak Takhelmayum, 30, from Manipur in November 2004. She first met Deepak
on September 26, 2004 in Punjab where she worked as a personal assistant.
After initial phone conversations, cupid struck during one coffee break.
"We had been chatting for a while and
soon I knew I wanted to know this guy. He had a nice smile and a very open
nature," recalls Susan. Despite the 10-year-age difference between them,
both are currently working and happily settled in Gurgaon. What has further
helped is the fact that Susan claims to get along well with Deepak's family.
"I met my mother-in-law twice and we got along very well. She lives in
Manipur with Deepak's older brother who works in an NGO."
Love, someone wisely said, makes the world
go round. And in this case, it brings some of them to India.
(Some names have been changed on request)
