Author: Aditya Sinha
Publication: The New Indian Express
Date: August 6, 2010
URL: http://expressbuzz.com/edition/print.aspx?artid=196070
In keeping with the tradition of gratuitous
advice offered by this unrepentant column, here's a humble suggestion to Congress
president Sonia Gandhi: that she immediately sack Prime Minister Manmohan
Singh and replace him with his spouse Gursharan Kaur.
You know why the prime minister must lose
his job: in his second term he has been an utter failure. Congress-style corruption-as-usual
is rampant, the latest associated with the Commonwealth Games, presumably
the nation's test of whether it can hold bigger-league events like the Olympics
(India certainly can, provided we leave it to Lalit Modi and Shashi Tharoor,
but that's another column); the stench from Suresh Kalmadi, not to mention
the sorry spectacle of incomplete urban projects like the much-sung-about
Delhi Metro, will leave us all shame-faced. Add to that the grimness of the
citizenry over its wallets being emptied by food-stock mismanagement and fuel
price decontrol (one wonders why ending subsidies to the lower-income groups
was more urgent than ending subsidies to fat-cats like Mukesh Ambani, many
of whose adventures-in-gas are exempted tax of thousands of crores of rupees),
and there's hardly any reason why Manmohan Singh should stay in saddle.
Yet these will not be the real matters of
shame during the Commonwealth Games. The main cause for embarrassment, and
the real reason Manmohan Singh is a failure by any standard, will be the continuing
turmoil in Kashmir. India has once again lost moral authority in the Valley.
Forget about the ineffectualness of Omar Abdullah's state government: Kashmir
has always been a policy directly handled by the prime minister, ever since
the time of Jawaharlal Nehru. The only time a home minister has impacted the
Kashmir policy is when one of our worst, Mufti Mohd Sayeed, did not step down
and allow the government to deal appropriately with the terrorists who kidnapped
his daughter Rubaiya. The current home minister is rapidly reaching that nadir
of incompetence when, in response to the civil protests that have resulted
in the deaths of over a dozen in just the past week, he makes the surreal
suggestion to Kashmir's parents that they keep their children indoors. Oh
yes, P Chidambaram, Kashmir's problem has been one of parental control. Whatay
intellectual arrogance, as party rival Digvijay Singh might say.
The home minister is one of those Indians
who think Kashmir is like Bihar or Chattisgarh and that all that is needed
to solve the problem is to send more armed men. What the government needs
to do, as any former prime minister can tell Manmohan Singh if he doesn't
already know, is something imaginative to show the Kashmiris that India is
a responsive and responsible nation, and that it is worth being a part of
India than it is being part of that pathological state known as Pakistan.
Convincing anyone that India is a better option than Pakistan should not be
difficult; it is like asking Usain Bolt to race in the 100 metres event against
Mr Kalaignar. Yet still our government manages to snatch defeat from the jaws
of victory. Manmohan Singh has zero imagination, and therefore he has zero
imaginative policies on Kashmir. Therefore Kashmir is going to get worse on
his watch. And while we may be terribly ashamed during the Commonwealth Games,
worse will be when US President Barack Obama comes-a-visiting in November;
it's a visit that could well sour if Kashmir continues to be treated cavalierly.
So Sonia has to change her prime minister.
However, suddenly changing the head of government
just before a series of high-profile international events is something to
think twice about, to put it mildly. Though change is needed without further
ado, it is also the kind of thing that can make us look like a banana republic,
which we of course are, but why should we advertise that fact to outsiders.
Plus, who would Sonia replace Manmohan Singh with?
Pranab Mukherjee is out of the question because
he can single-handedly solve all of India's problems, leaving Rahul Gandhi
with nothing to do when the princeling finally decides to take up the top
job. Also, once you make Pranab Mukherjee prime minister, be assured that
he will stay prime minister for the next 20 years. A K Antony is out of the
question since his spine is made of the finest rubber produced in Kerala.
Sheila Dikshit is out of the question because it would be like rewarding her
for hosting the Commonwealth Games, which are doomed to be a ridiculous joke.
Mani Shankar Aiyer is out of the question because he has no eyebrows.
That brings us to Manmohan Singh Kohli's wife.
Firstly, Gursharan Kaur fits one of Sonia's goals of governance: the empowerment
of women, so aptly illustrated with the well-considered choice of Pratibha
Patil as the nation's President. With Mrs Kaur, there will be no jarring abrupt
change of leadership but a smooth transition with a sub-text of continuity,
much as was the case when Rabri Devi took over as Bihar chief minister from
husband Lalu Prasad. And since Mrs Kaur is married to Manmohan Singh, she
can also claim to be a resident of Assam and use this well-worn confidence
trick to get into the Rajya Sabha and be prime minister.
But that does not mean that things will necessarily
remain the same. Among Sikhs, the women are far smarter than their men (though
this generalization holds true for all communities, come to think of it),
and you can be sure that Gursharan Kaur will roll up her sleeves and get into
sorting out the Kashmir issue once and for all. She will send corrupt ministers
like A Raja ("Dial M for Money, not Manmohan") packing. She will
give General Kayani-se-Kayani-tak a swift kick in his starched olive butt.
Heck, Rahul Gandhi may even decide against ever becoming prime minister once
Mrs Kaur gets into action.
Yet somehow we all know that this is unlikely
to ever happen, only because Mrs Kaur might prove to be too tough a cookie
for Sonia to handle. And so India will remain stuck with Manmohan Singh, continuing
like a banana republic, looking for energy subsidies to remove and Nuclear
Liability Bills to sign away.
True, there is always the possibility that
Sonia Gandhi might suggest that the Express replace its editor-in-chief with
the editor-in-chief's wife. The improvement that takes place would not be
quite as dramatic an improvement as replacing that feeble prime minister of
ours
